45 Degrees

Today is my birthday. Facebook friends are kindly wishing me well, which is appreciated. Twitter doesn’t give such notifications, but then, I don’t expect much from Twitter. Twitter for me is like putting messages in a bottle and throwing it into the ocean. Fun exercise, but it rarely produces more than a heart or a share, and very little int he way of dialogue. Facebook, by comparison, is sort of like wandering around a convention. The faces change year to year, thanks tot he bloody algorithms they use to decide whose face appears on your wall (yes, I still call it a wall). You kind of see everyone who wants you to see them by the way they call out to you, but other than that, it’s kind of a greatest hits package. I don’t have a preference. I just get more feedback on FB for some reason.

So I’m listening to Dream Theater in my Beats By Dre Studio headphones (better than you might expect). It’s 9:20. I’m 45 today. 45 isn’t a majorly significant age for me. 40 was the big one for me, and I survived that somehow (just barely). I find 45 is just a nice place to stop and look back and decide if I like the way things are going. And the answer, if I’m honest, is ‘Not entirely satisfied’.

I have an old friend lecturing me about my stance on day jobs, which I am now steadfastly refusing to reply to, because I feel she has ignored the central point of my post in order to justify her argument. Life’s too short, hon. I have better things to do with my time than give years of it away to someone who doesn’t give a damn about me personally. Paychecks are nice things to have, but if you find another way to get by, or if circumstances dictate that you can’t do what you were doing before anyway, what does the nobility of a day job mean in the grand scheme of things? And anyway, my friend finds her joy in rescuing dogs now. I’d say, mission accomplished, even if she does possibly dislike her day job. It clearly makes it possible for her to do what she really loves, so that’s a win for her. Still doesn’t make day jobs the holy grail, but whatever. Moving on.

But yeah, things are changing. Something has to give, and it looks like that something is me. I’m looking at all the things I have been involved with in the last few years. A lot of validation, but certain personalities and egos are starting to make it very unsatisfying work. I believe I’m being managed and shushed a fair bit, and frankly, I’m not that into the politics involved anymore, so I think I’m going to call it a day. Just waiting for the next couple of scheduled meetings to make my announcements.

Also, recent news revealed that one of my more recent volunteer projects has had the heart ripped out of it, so I’m not sure if it will survive. Haven’t had word in days, and i just don’t have the contacts to cover the gaps myself. I suspect it’s going to be quietly buried. Too bad. It was a nice idea.

So there you have it. I might not be at the crossroads I found myself at as a 40 year old, but this reevaluation period has nevertheless brought me to a major crossroads, and I’m taking the road less traveled, at least for me.

New album. New novel. New art. New life. 2016 is going to be a working year for me, and I expect to come out of it with a lot of milestones marked off.


Don't be shy. Tell me what you really think, now.


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