Another Sunday In Limbo – An Etc/Thesis Update (of sorts)

This really is starting to turn into my own personal music blog. Gary still hasn't been able to log on and blog, and Derrick is a virtual Luddite when it comes to blogging. I'd rather they had their shots as well. Not everything I've said in this blog is precisely politically proper. They deserve to have their own space to say something about the music (or lack thereof) we have been creating, or what we've done in the past.

They also deserve a chance to get in their say. I try to be fair and impartial, but there are times when, quite frankly, that just isn't possible. Of course, I being the so-called writer, I'd be the one who is all about the blogging. So all you get are my views on any of this stuff. Frankly, who the hell else even knows about this stuff?

Sorry. Gary was supposed to show up today to work on some songs. We have no rehearsal space, so at the moment, it's all about the writing and recording of demos. Of course, no Gary means no Etcetera, and in a real sense, no Thesis, either. Makes me think I'm doing a real, honest-to-goodness solo album soon, and if I do, who do I get to play it? I mean, I can play guitar and piano reasonably well, but I'm not precisely what I consider to be a gig-worthy musician, by any stretch.

So while I might be able to play all of the parts on tape, I won't be able to perform them as recorded, which means I'll have to rearrange them for solo performance. At lest if the guys were in on the writing, I could ensure that the parts were playable by more than just myself. I'm no Mozart, but I do occasionally write things that don't work for anyone but me.

And yet, lately, there has been a lot of personal pressure to justify what I do, both for leisure time and for creative pursuits, which for me are pretty much the same thing, whether I'm having fun or not. So suddenly I find myself wondering why I brought all of this musical equipment over here, and why I even bothered to start insisting on writing new songs, if I wasn't going to finish writing, rehearsing and recording them.

Fact is, I need better recording equipment, and probably a better keyboard, though it will have to wait. I also need to practice and go out and play more often than I do. And finally, I really do need to start playing and writing with people who can actually do what I'm thinking about doing.

Wishing and praying for Gary and Derrick to become the band I've been dreaming about has kept me going (or not) for the better part of a decade and almost a half. But it's not really going any further than that. At lest, it's not much further than it was almost a year ago when we were sitting in Gary's kitchen talking about getting the band back together, with or without Dave on bass.

Understand; the guys are both writing and praciticing about as much as they ever did in any given year when the band was fully active. To top it off, the songs are coming faster than they used to (although that's not saying much), and in my head, whole songs that have been taking me years to sort out and finalize are starting to insist of taking up every spare moment of my waking hours. I'm surprised more of them haven't been haunting my dreams. I remember so few, but the few I have remembered have almost all been music related.

What's that about, anyway? I have a great many more things to work and thinka nd dream about than just music, but those seem to be all I remember. Not even lurid sex fantasies. Just songs I have to get up and go write something about so I don't forget them. Is this what rock and roll is really about?

Sorry. Kvetching here. Fact is, nobody reads this stuff. Actually thinking I have to start cross-posting to my regular journal just to put this stuff back under the nose of the public eye.

So yeah. Etcetera/Thesis. Nice Idea. Wonder if it's ever going to happen. I have little more than this blog to convince me that anything at all has happened this year, and nobody likes this stuff but me anyway.

Gary couldn't come over today, as planned. Not the first time. I'm sure it's not the last. Didn't even bother to invite Derrick (In Case You're Reading: no offense intended, man; Nothing happened, so no point) down to work. Didn't seem to be a point, if Gary wasn't going to show.

Sour grapes? Probably. I understand his position, perhaps better than he does. Gary's in a tough place in a marriage that isn't quite what he thought it would be. Life is like this.

And Derrick? Well, he's in gear acquisition mode, which is being hampered by the fact that he has credit debt once again, is working retail once again, and frankly, just isn't pulling in enough to resolve his woes. He can't afford the kind of gear he needs to keep practising where he lives now, and we can't afford jam space at the moment. So that leaves us making demos here until we have enough material that we can justify crashing someone else's jam space to get it together. And with Gary not being able to get over for writing sessions, that is going incredibly well, as you can well imagine. So, it's hard to hold out faith that your songwriting partners, your only really musician friends left, are going to be involved in the project after all.

Just making me think it's time to either start recording the demos alone, using whatever I can to get the job done with the resources I have, or just call it a day and give up on this ridiculous idea, which seems to fit me less and less every passing year.

Oh sure, it's a means of self-expression, and I actually do enjoy playing and recording music, believe it or not. The results are the thing for me, but still, the process is quite invigorating, and I enjoy being in the process, particularly when I'm seeing things come together more or less the way I'd imagined. So yeah, goal oriented, but process and progress are enough to keep me burbling along for years before I run out of steam.

It's sort of like everything else in my life right now, though; up in the air. Waiting to see where everything lands, and wondering how little or how much of it I'm going to have to piece together

I'm moping. Sorry. The Guinness is playing tricks with me. I think I'm being charming, but in fact, I'm being morose. Tricky stuff, Guinness. Invented by Irishmen who didn't like how the truth looked, so they designed something to make it look different.

Anywhow, I should probably quit this and post it. Think I have another blog brewing on a more personal note anyway, and I should get it done before I pass out.

If you happen to be reading this in its original format on Vox, could you please spare an old man a boon and post a reply here. Thanks.


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One Response to “Another Sunday In Limbo – An Etc/Thesis Update (of sorts)

  • Strange that while perusing around here I run into you!

    The only thing I can say is the same thing I have always told you AND my husband. Don't over analyze! You both get so caught up in the big picture that when things don't go the way you planned in the beginning stages the weight of it all starts to crush you. Think small and as it grows you will be much happier.

    Do it for fun, do it for you, putz around, put together some hokey tapes in your bathroom, listen laugh and enjoy. If it gets big great, if not, nothing lost and fun was gained. And on a down note, you really need to be good enough to play in a bar and have a following before you should start spending money (don’t take this wrong, I am not saying you are not good enough because I don’t know where your talent is at or that of your band mates. My personal money management has always been to not spend it until you have to have it, that way there is never buyers regret down the line, and if you shelled out a lot of money for things that never paid off or were never put to use, well…). And there are a lot of one man bands out there, just broaden your musical horizons for inspiration.

Don't be shy. Tell me what you really think, now.


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