Closure v.1.0 pt 4 (of 5)

Fourth part of the version of the Perpetual Tuesday chapter I abandoned and rewrote. Tomorrow is the NSFW part, if I post it at all.


Miasma

“You aren’t…?”

“No,” she answered. “But I’m starting to think that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. My career isn’t in too bad a place, and all the girls who left college when I did are getting married and having children now. I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed something important, you know what I mean?”

“I hadn’t realized that you were interested in
do you want to?” He asked, a little stunned, but recovering his balance.

“Not yet, you big dope,” she chided. “I’m definitely not going to let you knock me up while you’re contemplating producing another record. No fucking way am I going to get stuck at home raising little babies on my own while you’re out touring four hours of new music. If we do this, we do it together, or not at all. That means no more going on the road, at least until the kids are old enough to go to school, so they don’t miss you too badly.”

“Four hours, huh? And here I thought you hadn’t been paying attention,” he commented, smiling. “And as for the rest, does this mean you want me to put a ring on your finger?”

“Maybe,” she answered, sounding unsure for the first time since they had started arguing. “Maybe I just want to know that you’re going to stay with me, this time. Some sort of guarantee. Something better than one of your heartfelt promises.”

His mind was reeling. He tried to think of how he could have missed the signs. It all seemed so obvious to him, now; the months of crying together, the arguments, the rarity of the sex, the lack of social interaction. If she was looking for a deeper commitment, he must have been driving her up the wall with his constant reminders about his faulty wiring.

They hadn’t really seriously been out on the town in months, and he was pretty sure she missed seeing Wanda and Wally and the gang. Wally and the kids had been in some trouble with the law, but Wanda had gotten them straightened out, and had kept Andy apprised of the situation. He figured the general consensus was that Andy was better off keeping an eye on him and leaving Wanda to handle the kids.

Of course, none of this answered the question she hadn’t asked.

“So, how about you?” she asked. “What do you think, Richard?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, but quickly shifted gears. “ I mean, the idea of having children with you crosses my mind ever now and then, but I’d sort of figured you wanted to wait a while longer. And as for marriage, well, I don’t have anyone else in mind…”

“Are you sure about that?”

“What do you mean? Who else…”

“What about Naomi? What about Marcia? And then there’s Dana to consider. And that’s just the ones you’ve admitted loving recently, Richard. I haven’t wanted to say anything, but it’s been sort of hanging in the air like a blimp. You still love and miss Dana, and wish she hadn’t married Brack.”

“I… look, you know how I feel about a number of people, but I’ve also done monogamy, and if I have to, I’ll do it again. Is that what you need from me?”

“It’s not what I need that interests me just now, Richard. We both know that you’re polyamorous. You could marry me and stay faithful to me if you tried, but you’d never be satisfied, even if none of those women ever showed the slightest interest in having you on the side.”

“Well, they’re all committed to other things these days. Dana married Homer fucking Simpson, Marcia has school and work and maybe a little something on the side these days, and Naomi has John and Joni Alexander and their daughter Rhea to look after now. I don’t really have anyone else in town who I’ve known as long as I have those three, and I’m not close enough to anyone else.”

“You’ve been intimate with more women than that in New York alone. You just haven’t made a serious commitment to anyone else. Even Georgia slipped through your fingers. You’ve nearly lost me more than once over the years. The truth is, you’re lousy at love, old man, but you still hold out hope that the next girl you meet will be the one who fulfills you completely, so you can stop searching.”

“And what makes you think I haven’t found exactly that with you?”

“I refuse to believe that you would have checked yourself into the hospital if you trusted me enough to be here for you when you crack up.”

He pondered this for a second, not because he agreed, but because he realized once again that his going away to get better had cost him so much with her that he wondered if it could ever truly be fixed.

“Well, you can doubt if you must, but I’m not going anywhere, Sweetheart. You can walk away if you must, for that matter, but I’ll still be waiting if and when you ever come back.”
“You’d find somebody new in days,” she answered bluntly.

“I wouldn’t be any good for anyone new for a long time. I’m barely any good for you, it seems, and you love me. I’m a fat, old, balding, greying, nigh-impotent, self-absorbed divorcé. What could I possibly offer anyone who didn’t already love me? How could I ever give enough love to fulfill anyone else, if I can’t fulfill your needs? I love you, babe. I don’t communicate it well because of the shape I’ve been in, but I know what I know, and you are the only one for me. I may love others, and may continue to love others, but even I know when to let go and accept where I’m at. I’m a polyamorous bisexual bipolar man, and there is only one woman who truly loves me enough to stick with me through thick and thin. I can’t place a high enough price on that. It’s you, darling. It’s you or no one.”

© 2013 Lee Edward McIlmoyle
____________________
PERPETUAL TUESDAY REJECTS
Closure ver.1.0 pt 1 (of 5)
Closure ver.1.0 pt 2 (of 5)
Closure ver.1.0 pt 3 (of 5)
Closure ver.1.0 pt 4 (of 5)
Closure ver.1.0 pt 5 (of 5)

Tears ver.1.0 pt 1 (of 1)

Tears ver.2.0 pt 1 (of 3)
Tears ver.2.0 pt 2 (of 3)
Tears ver.2.0 pt 3 (of 3)

Don't be shy. Tell me what you really think, now.

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