I Sold The Skin I’m In For A Plan

So I’m awake. So what, right? I’m sitting here in the altogether, thinking about grabbing the laptop and getting to work on one of my lingering manuscripts. Haven’t published anything new since my birthday.

I guess the plan today is to do some writing until Dawn gets up, and then eventually broach the issue of trying to record Odds Are for video again. I did several failed takes yesterday, and the one that got closest needed editing, and unfortunately, my video software decided to make the video too sluggish to sync to the audio very well.

I’m listening to a rather nice vintage of Matthew Good Band. I keep forgetting how much I enjoy Underdogs, because the album that I really fell in love with was the Beautiful Midnight. Not a big fan of Ghetto Astronauts. The Audio of Being is excellent, but you can tell Matt wanted to get away from the three minute rock anthems, at least for a while, and it’s been borne out by his solo work, which consists almost entirely of slow, dirge-like numbers that don’t grab me as much. I like the albums, in the main, and my favourite of his solo albums is perhaps the most dirge-like of them all (Hospital Music) for good reason, but still, he hasn’t been as much fun for me since he fired his original band. I get it, and I don’t disapprove of the move, but it definitely shows what kind of a fair weather fan I turned out to be, which displeases me, because I like to think Matt and I have a great deal in common. I’m a bipolar songwriter who has, admittedly, never enjoyed the level of success he has, but I also haven’t suffered the fame and adulation he found such an ill fit.

Did I ever tell you that my song, No One In The World, was my (failed) attempt to write a Matt Good-style song?

Taking the lesson inherent in that proposition, I don’t disparage my lack of fame (too much). But I do feel like I lost a lot of years to this bipolarity business, and really feel like I could have made a more successful career for myself if I hadn’t gone untreated for so long, because I really wasn’t in any shape to do the business before the meds. Way too unstable. I marvel at people like Matt and writer Elizabeth Bear, who somehow pulled it off. Force of Will beyond even my ken. I often felt like just getting up was a prize-winning event, once upon a time, and at other times, actually stopping and getting some rest should have earned me some sort of self-control award. I at least wouldn’t have minded a pat on the back now and then for managing my mental illness as long as I have without self-destructing. Sadly, they don’t give out awards for these things.

I still struggle with Bipolar problems, even with the 20 mg of Abilify. I used to take a more interesting cocktail of Risperidone and Concerta, but there were concerns with my weight gain and lack of cognitive improvement. Abilify hasn’t been the ultimate panacea, but, on the whole, I’d say I’m doing alright. I just wish there weren’t so many damned things to do with so damned few hours in a day. I do think about stopping the med therapy for a while, just to see if I can shed the weight and get my creative drive (sex drive as well) back to the level I had it at over a decade ago. But in many ways, I’ve been more productive and proactive since I started with the meds, so it balances out, in the end. Dawn hasn’t had to call a hospital or the police because of me. I still have fleeting problems with ideation, but they don’t last long, and I never act on them. Once was enough.

I’ve been trying to promote my books fairly frequently in the last few days. My Smashwords stats are interesting, but I still ain’t making sales there, and I haven’t been directing people to that site too much because they lost my tax forms and I haven’t been able to apply and get paid. I’ll have to pay to have my own tax form sent at this rate. Not looking forward to it, but it’s been cropping up a lot lately.

Kickstarter has finally come legitimately to Canada. I’m thinking about recommencing my Art of Words and Dreamtropolis Fallen projects. It might be a good time for them, but I still don’t have a particularly rabid following, which means the campaign would almost certainly fail, even if I only budget for a few thousand dollars.

Yesterday’s video cover of BNL’s ‘Odds Are’ didn’t work, but I might share the sound file with friends, if I can’t get the video made in the next few days. It’s a cover tune, so I’m not really anxious to get it out, but it’s a good tune, and it occurs to me that I might please a few people performing a song they actually know for a change. That said, I haven’t decided what site to put the proposed video on, because I have issues with Youtube these days. I more or less promised I wouldn’t make any more videos for Youtube, but I’m not sure Vimeo will be that much better, and I’m not that interested in signing up for yet another video sharing site, especially if it’s even more obscure.

It’ll be time to wake Dawn and make coffee soon. I should give clothing some serious consideration. Not expecting visitors, but you never know.

I thought about starting a poll to see what parody celebrity twitter account I should consider creating, but then it occurred to me that I don’t actually like parody twitter feeds, so I gave up on that. Maybe I should consider doing @HappyMattGood.

Nah… I’d just lose interest and drop it in a few days. The joke has no legs. And Obnoxio The Clown has been all but forgotten.

Now, maybe Sincerio the Clone…

Thanks for reading.


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