Pursuant To Yesterday’s Razzle Dazzle

I want to give this post a song lyric title, as usual, but I’m listening to some fairly vintage The Flower Kings, and I confess, I’ve forgotten some of the lyrics, as I was into these guys only a few years after they first started making a name for themselves in the mid-Nineties. I’ve been kind of staying away for a while, but today, some folks on the Big Big Train forum on Facebook got talking about TFK, and I sorta gravitated back.

So, what today’s title alludes to is yesterday’s post, were I was talking about writing and the book in progress, so to speak. Then I proceeded to do absolutely everything but work on the novel.

I’ve been having so much trouble wrapping my brain around the idea of writing this novel, it’s become a millstone around my neck. The obvious thing to do is to either force myself to write whatever comes to mind, or to abandon it for a time and go do something else. A lot rides on getting this novel right; it sets up a lot of other fiction I’ve been struggling with. I may alter the cover a bit more, as it’s currently labelled a Dreamtropolis Fallen tale, which it is, in part, but it’s also a LinkWorlds Constellation tale, and yet it’s mainly a prequel to the Passage to Bujah trilogy I haven’t quite given up on rewriting and finishing someday. Lots of stuff I’ve been trying to set up, and here’s the novel that could do it all, and establish me as a proper Sci Fi/Spec Fic writer.

How did this all fall into one novel? I’m blaming the Bipolar Disorder for this one. That, and I’m 45 and almost no one has read my work to date. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s closer to the truth than I like to admit.

I’m NOT a famous author. Not even remotely. I’m simply a writer with a few completed novels under his belt and a fortunate facility for dialogue and flow, but I’m not setting anyone’s house on fire, at this time.

Also, my wife and I are living kind of drabbly, here in Limbo. We need a new sofa. We actually need a lot of things replaced, up to and including our worn out wardrobes. We need to have the apartment renovated. And we need to call in exterminators again, because we are beginning to see roaches and ants in the apartment again. The roaches think they run the kitchen, and the ants have taken to crawling out of our hair. Our hair! How the hell they get all the way to our heads without us noticing is making my skin crawl. I’m starting to resemble a speed freak in need of a fix, I’m so fidgety.

So, the thing is, I need to do something to get us out of this oubliette. The art occasionally sells, but not at the prices I’d hoped. My biggest sale, some time ago, had to be paid for in installments, and that was for a $1250 painting that I actually sold for $500 (to a good home). So yeah, art isn’t making me anything like wealthy. Music? I’ve made perhaps upwards of a hundred dollars on the two albums I’ve recorded in the last six years. I still owe my bandmates a cut of that, and I owe my songwriting partner $400 for the electronic drum kit he bought for us to use in lieu of a drummer. So yeah, music isn’t cutting it either. Paying Graphic Design gigs have slowed to a trickle. I might get paid for my work on The Anvil, eventually. I’m finished working on the StinZine. And really, other than the occasional poster, that’s it. And as for writing, well, I’ve sold more books to friends than I have to strangers, and nobody is asking me when I’ll have more written. That tells me they haven’t read what they bought yet, or they’ve read enough. Either way, not good.

At least we aren’t scrounging for money for cancer treatment for something equally nightmarish. But really, with our health being what it is, that’s more blind luck than anything else. My bad back is starting to play up again, my feet are flat and sore all of the time, and my mental state has been highly erratic lately for a guy on mood stabilizers. And my long-suffering wife’s arthritis and degenerative disc disorder are promising to put her in one of those electronic mobility devices, sooner rather than later. She already has a slightly too small and broken walker she uses around the apartment on the worst days. Suffice to say, it’s done little to improve her mood, and that has been having a profound effect on our relationship.

So yeah, good times.

Maybe it’s not so surprising that the novel isn’t coming along so well, after all.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for one day. Too much, really. So be thankful you have internet and a computer to read it with, and whatever other marvels are in your lives. Be thankful for your life. I am, even though I’m stuck with mine.

Have a good day. Thank you for reading. Be good to yourselves.

Lee.

Don't be shy. Tell me what you really think, now.

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