Seeing the Stars Collide Across the Human Race

I’m having another quiet day. I seem to be experiencing high anxiety levels, most likely over how little progress I’ve made lately on my many personal projects, whilst doing this PB stuff. Books going unwritten, paintings going unpainted, songs going unrehearsed and unrecorded. Even a graphics gig I was aiming at has slipped through my fingers due to time pressure.

The PB stuff itself is nerve-wracking as well. A serious chunk of miscommunication surfaced early last week that led to ill-chosen, angry words on both sides, and now I’m not at all convinced that those relationships can be salvaged. I can’t help but feel that, if there hadn’t been so much time pressure to begin with, we might have resolved the situation much more peaceably. As it is now, I’m not actually experiencing the fallout I’m expecting from this, but I’m pretty sure it’s still out there, waiting.

I won’t pretend to be as thick skinned as some people. I am an artist of varying modes and stripes, and sensitivity is part of the package. Being Bipolar doesn’t help either, I suppose. But while I rarely reach the level of anger and frustration I reached last week, when I do, it takes me a little while to cool down and avoid making the kinds of mistakes I did. Not a very good trait for someone involved in a managerial or political process.

If only ‘sorry’ were a stronger word…

There is still a bit left to do in the Participatory Budgeting Budget Session process, which is currently under review from Councillor Farr’s office. It’s really none of my business how that review comes out, because I’m supposed to be helping get the new Assembly Organizers trained and ready to vote in the new Facilitator, so I can go home. I am genuinely invested in that outcome. However, I do confess to a little curiosity as to when and how that review comes out. I’ve put a fair bit of work into PBW2, and I’d like to think we were successful, even if there were teething troubles along the way. I’ve read a few fairly anonymous dismissals of teh process, and can’t help but feel protective of PBW2, despite myself.

The Facilitator will need to be someone with skills I lack, patience I sometimes lose, and nerves of steel, a feature sorely lacking in my case. I get rattled too easily. Can’t let a few ruffled feathers derail the train, and so I’m trying to fulfill my duties as expediently as I know how, but suffice to say, I don’t believe I am Facilitator material.

Fortunately, it’s never been my ambition, either, so that revelation isn’t that disturbing to me. A little unflattering and humbling, yes, but not really upsetting. I like doing things by myself. I’m able to work well in small groups, but the bigger and more unwieldy they get, the less happy I am. And while I’m not unhappy with PB as it has transpired in Ward 2, and genuinely want to see it succeed in the years to come, I’ll be quite happy to get someone more capable in charge of that process and settle back into my old life.

In other news, my shoulder, which I hadn’t really mentioned injuring, is healing slowly. It felt like I had possibly slightly torn something, but I am now thinking I merely strained the muscle a bit while rearranging the office. Aches a bit today, but it’s tolerable.

Rent in this city is getting a little out of hand. Just an observation.

My favourite albums of 2013 are still making me happy. Such good music, making me happy when so little else can.

Dawn and I made it out to Supercrawl yesterday and saw some very cool stuff. We also saw a lot of non-artist/artisan vendors and information kiosks that irritated us. I know Supercrawl isn’t really Artcrawl with wings, but it just didn’t feel right seeing so many food trucks and cheap import goods being vended. I’m glad the event made money (I presume it made money), but it seems to have lost some of its charm.

Still, we saw a number of welcome faces, and stayed much longer than I’d intended. MANTA was fantastic. We saw some very charming work along the street as well, and met some good artists and photographers along the way. The ‘No Casino’ petition team was in full swing. We saw Adam Bentley’s new(ish) music project (with his old The Rest cohort, Jordan), Allegories, which was quite good, if (understandably) short. We also saw Terra Lightfoot rocking out righteously with her power trio. I had forgotten what a good guitar player she is. So the art and music weren’t disappointing, to say the least.

Time to step away from the keyboard, I think. Thank you for reading. Have a great day.


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