Some Day I’ll Have Let Go

Good Morning, Mackrophiles,

So I’ve been tweaking the album when I should be drawing my submission for the Stinson Mural Project. I’ll be stopping shortly and getting ready to go do laundry and cat-sitting at Mom’s soon. But I’m feeling that urge to just get the album done and post it and get it out of my life, because the anticipation isn’t sitting well with me, and I haven’t been able to devote the requisite time to its polishing that I wanted to. Very frustrating. There are still things that I wish I could do for this album, and I could simply set back the release date again and wait for better time and opportunity to arise, but in fact, I’m already trying to get a couple of new projects on the go, including this mural project that could eat into the next couple of months if I get the gig (IF I actually finish the freaking drawing, and IF the jury actually selects it).

So I’m in clearinghouse mode, and the album is becoming a low priority to me, at least in part because so little interest has been shown for it over the last nine months of demos and previews and talking and such. Perhaps I’ve overexposed it. I don’t know. But what I do know is, I can’t feel any buzz for The Whole Other Half, and I’m not sure how I can fix that. This whole music promotion thing is so new to me, I just don’t know how to break through.

I have so few cards I can possibly play, promotion-wise, that I have to resist the urge to share stuff with the very few people I know have followers who might (and it’s a slender might at that) be interested in hearing/buying my album. In truth, despite all of my social networking, I really haven’t made the kinds of friendships that can open doors for me. My Klout rating is meaningless, in this context.

I mention this only because I am trying to finish the album now (despite it still being imperfect; I can’t seem to make myself fix every little detail by myself right now, and I’m learning to live with the flaws I haven’t been able to correct to date; those f@#%ed up guitars are sounding pretty good to me these days), which doesn’t get released until the 15th (if at all; I’m starting to lose my drive), and I have to save what little ammo I have for that.

But it has to be said, I’m in sore need of a little validation today. *sigh*

I haven’t had time to finish writing any of the record reviews I have on the go. I haven’t had time to work on Sterling Carcieri’s novels this summer, as I’d promised myself I would. I haven’t had time to finish The Back Roads of Limbo, either. I haven’t had time to work on The Art of Words or on the Tarot series. I haven’t had time for much of anything, really, and that’s not going to change any time soon. I find myself hoping and praying (despite being non-religious) that this winter will be a long, deep, snow-filled one, so I can stay indoors and rest and recuperate from a very tiring and frustrating year.

Somehow, I suspect that won’t be forthcoming either. Mental and emotional exhaustion seems to be my default state these days. This is not anyone’s fault but my own, and yet, it all seems so very much out of my control. Between the lack of money and the constant maintenance needed just to keep my lifestyle working, I don’t have time for anything fancy any more, unless I want to alienate my family and loved ones.

Okay, enough. Time to make the donuts… Thanks for reading.


PS: Small shout-out to Neil Gaiman (who doesn’t read me) on winning the Hugo for his Doctor Who episode, which I thought was a masterpiece. Congratulations, sir. I wonder if anyone else I know and follow had luck at the Hugos. I haven’t had time to check, and only learned of Neil’s win this morning whilst checking the meager stats for the three song remixes I posted on Soundcloud and Fandalism this morning. Did Elizabeth Bear get anything? I love her and her work, and would dearly love to hear she won something. Or how about Caitlin R. Kiernan (who also doesn’t read me, but that’s okay)? I haven’t read much of her work yet, but I have enormous respect for her as a writer and a person. These are ladies who I would give Hugos to, if I were on that jury. Just saying.

Don't be shy. Tell me what you really think, now.


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