Straining to Hear the Words Correctly and Failing

I think today might be a bit more productive, work-wise, if I can just get in the mood to do what I know needs to be done, but I’m reaching the conclusion that I’m incredibly unhappy with the way I’ve set up my life at the moment. I’m heavily invested in improving my neighbourhood for the different populations of people that live in it. There is a small group of like-minded people involved in making this stuff come together. Getting them all onboard isn’t easy. I love that we try to do things by consensus, but it does make it difficult to get anything done.

I drafted two letters, one a plea to the group, and one an apology for an incident that occurred to a visitor to our neighbourhood. The first thing two of my colleagues said was ‘We shouldn’t apologize. It wasn’t our fault’. I never said it was our fault. However, it is our responsibility. That’s a different thing, and it’s a thing that people in this neighbourhood need to wrap their heads around. If someone comes to your house and someone at your house picks a fight with them, for whatever reason, as the host, it behooves you to do something about it, starting with apologizing. The job of the host is to make sure everyone is safe and comfortable during their visit. Barring that, the host does whatever is needed to make things better when things go awry.

I have to go to a meeting tonight and talk about this letter, as well as talk about a grant I’ve been dickering with to get us money for musical acts, as well as tentative plans to improve our local summer music series by building a small covered stage where amps and gear can be set up out of the wet mud, and more room can be made for spectators to the music series.

I’m totally not feeling the force, yet.

I think the problem for me is that I’m having trouble conveying that a lot of this activity I’m involved in is fairly egoless. I’m not doing it for credit or pats on the back. I just want to see the neighbourhood thrive. I want other people to have the tools to continue making things better when I stop doing this gig. I want to leave the neighbourhood in good shape. It’s all about community building, for me. If there is community, problems get solved. It’s when everyone hides inside and refuses to engage that problems develop and persist.

Today I woke up to find a friend giving me stick for posting uncheerful stuff on Facebook. He apologized, after I slapped him down, but it bothers me that I felt the need to do that. It’s a sign that my mood isn’t optimal, and that I’m lashing out at people who ruffle my feathers the wrong way, for whatever reason.

So it’s time to do something for me. I wish I had more time to do things that I consider ‘for me’. I’m not even 100% sure what I mean by the phrase, these days. I’m out of practice.

But anyway, I’ll try to do something productive and creative to share with you soon. I’m tinkering with a book at the moment, and I do have to get back to work on the painting, now that I have a version of the logo that seems to be sticking in my head, if not as much as the original idea did. We’ll see.

Thank you for reading. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.


Don't be shy. Tell me what you really think, now.


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